Brief eines Bayern an die Nasa

Greet God!
I write you, because you must help me. I have seen you space shuttle in the television. In colour. And so came me the idea to make holydays in the world-room.
Alone. With out my grazy wife.
I am the Kraxlhuber Sepp. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock-grandfather.
I stand on a very bad foot with my wife. Always she shouts with me. She has a shrill voice like a circle saw. She lats no good hair at me. She says I am a slapp-tail. She wants that I become burgermasta. But I want not be burgermasta. I have nothing at the hat with the political shit. I want my ruah!
And so I want make holydays on the moon. Without my bad half.
But I take my dog with me. He is a boxer. His name is wurschtl. So I want book a flight in your next space shuttle. But please give me a window place. I would kotz you the rocket full. Because I am not swindle-free. And no standing place please! And please do not tell my wife that I gone alone. She has a big shrotgun an she would make a sieve from my ass.
I need no much comfort. A nice double-room with bad and kloo and heating. And window with look to the earth. So I can look through my far-glass and see my wife working on the potato field. And I and my dog laugh us a branch (hähähähä). We will kringel ourself before laughing.
Is what loose on the moon?
I need warm water and I hope the sun shines every day. This is very good for my frost-boils. I need not much. A good bread-time, a good haxn and a mass beer.
Have they chew-tobacco on the moon? If not, I bring it whit. Is in the rocket place for my drive wheel?
Tell the man of the moon that I come. I hope he has not wife. We can make outflights with my drive wheel. We can make craterwandering. I bring him the Bavarian nationalhymn by. We can make tobacco chewing. We can drink a lot of hopblossom-tea. I hope he is not a preiss!!
We can spuck around the bet. We can making finger-hooking.
I bring the Bavarian-flag with and we can dance shoeplattler around it.

I want make 5 weeks holydays. When you have no new rocket after the five weeks, I wait for the next rain-bend and drive with my radl. Please make me a good price – under good friends! I cannot pay so pettered prices because my pocket money is not so much. Send your answer to my neighbour Wastl Hintermoser.

I have the honour, your Kraxlhuber Sepp

Ps: don’t fly when is full moon. My dog, this big bazi, becomes always epileptic and makes so much noise.